Victoria Grace Nation

So it’s a known fact that I’ve been utterly sick to the core the past little while as well, I’ve been dealing with some personal demons and issues. Either way, I found a new focus and after a meeting I was in late yesterday afternoon, it’s pretty official, I’ve been invited to perform! So now I have 6 weeks until I do a short segment which could possibly be a live broadcast as well. I have the perfect idea, but I’ll reveal it when the time comes sooner, I have the song picked and brewing up some choreography. But the biggest issue i have is my health and my fitness level.


I can honestly say that I’m out of shape, and coughing for so many months is really NOT helping my cardiovascular shape in any shape or form. But as of a few days ago (pretty much a few days after I got my mobility back) I’ve been slowly introducing some workouts into my regiment.


If some of you don’t know, I use to kickbox and do pankration a lot, as well as any sort of variation of that kind like Taebo (LOVE IT!) as well I use to be really into Bikram Yoga and Pilates. I started off a few days ago with some pilates and surprisingly, it didn’t go as bad as I thought. I went through the whole session with ease and I can honestly say it relaxed me and made me feel excellent. The day after I did a short 30 minute session of kickboxing and holy…after the first 15 minutes of intense kickboxing drills, I was beat! Realized how out of shape I really am considering the fact that I use to do at least 1.5 hours of intense kickboxing. So I’ve been alternating back and forth and I am sore! And you know what? It feels AMAZING!


Even though I only have 6 weeks until performance, I don’t want to put my body into shock, I’m doing this slowly and probably adding more as the days progress, I feel as though I can do more now, but I’ll take it in stride. Considering the fact that my doctor’s have limited my food choices due to my current health state, there’s really no diet I’m following except lots of water.


I’m hoping within 2 weeks I can start bringing my training outdoors with some hiking, swimming, canoeing, volleyballing, but we’ll see. I’m pretty pumped, I haven’t been this motivated since 6 years ago, back when I was doing my grueling dance training. Now I need to get some new tracks and I’ll be slowly adding the dance practices into my workouts as well. I’ll try and update my progress…but no guarantees! You know how I get with this blogging stuff, I only blog when I feel like it. By the way thanks for all the Twitter responses and Private Messages of support I got from a lot of you guys! You have no idea how much it meant to me and how much easier you guys made things.


Until next time…


Tootles!
Victoria <3


Okay I just sounded super ditzy…this is only because I spent an hour watching youtube videos from a couple of ditzy girls giving out makeup tutorials and introducing their houses….ya…don’t ask.

Friends come and go, but their memories will last forever.


Nazi-Jew< In his ripened 20’s this friend will always be known as the self-hating friend, having come from a German/Jewish background (hey! that’s how he describes himself!). We spent hours making fun of him. There was a time when I spent my every waking moments with him, no matter if it was playing Jenga at his place until 4am or if he was sleeping in my living room keeping me company, while I pulled an all-nighter for my Accounting exam.

Fondest Memory: Him driving 30 minutes to my house to drop off customized tea from Starbucks because I was sick and him getting $500+ worth of tickets on the highway while going home. LOL.


Interesting Memories: Us getting high off of coffee and him filming me dance like a loser at a local makeout spot…wait he’s filmed me being stupid waay too many times. Like the time I shadowed danced on his street and he filmed my shadow frolicking down his street.


Special Memory: When someone gave him season tickets to NHL Hockey and I got my first experience at a live game. Magical.


Paris He was an athlete, built like one and looked like a model with green eyes, dark complexion and tall as the eye can see. He had the weirdest obsession with his hair and his looks and a friend and I ended up calling him Paris Hilton.
Memorable Moment: When he ditched his best friend and picked me up at 3am and we ventured through the local mountains and construction sites by my house until dawn.

Food Memory:From Indian to Chinese to all the local fast food joints, he always wanted food and made me get it for him.


Smiley Face She’s got a signature, and that’s her smile. She brightens a room when she walks in and it’s not just from her smile, but from her overpowering presence. We’ve seen tears and laughter, but it was always the trouble we got in that made the memories.


Death Defying Memories: We got lost in the middle of nowhere and we got picked up by a bunch of guys, while we hung off of their jeep, they were busy feeling my other girlfriend up. The time we hopped onto a city bus and a drunken man goes on and gets into a brawl with a bunch of young kids and we were in the middle of it. Or coming home after a long night of Fireworks and ended up getting on the “party kart” on the train and drunken people were breaking glass and trying to rock the train off it’s tracks and plummet down 50 feet. Oh and of course…both of us going to some secret party with another girl and finding ourselves at some illegal gang party at a secluded industrial area.


Childhood Memories: After watching Dead Poets Society we created our own with another girl, we found a hidden opening in the forest, decorated it with our stuff and met there everyday after school and wrote poems.


Rockstar He was like a younger brother to me, with a sultry, melodic voice that can put anyone at ease or to sleep. When I was sad he’d sing to me, when I needed to pee while on the phone he would purposely force himself to go as well so I didn’t get stage fright when pee talking. He became my pee buddy.


Silly Moments: He came over to my house, threw on a pair of designer men’s underwear I got at the company’s Marketing Launch campaign and he ran around my house with underwear outside his pants, a cowboy hat and MY Von Dutch shirt and ran around pretending to be a Superhero and made me take pictures while he posed like a gay cowboy with a stuffed teddybear I got from my Mother when I was young.

Troublesome Memories: We drove up to the top of the mountain where a development project was happening and trespassed on the grounds. We ended up seeing a middle aged, pot-bellied, balding man NAKED walking around in one of the few developed buildings there!


Matchmaking Memories: He had a crush on my ex’s younger sister and we ended up making mint hot coco on Christmas Day and delivered hot coco in customized mugs we got for the girl and her family (excluding my ex). He totally got brownie points from the girl.


Even though some friendships have dwindled and some are about to fade, their memories will always remain.

According to dictionary.com

change [cheynj] Show IPA verb, changed, chang⋅ing, noun
noun

1. to become different: Overnight the nation’s mood changed.
2. to become altered or modified: Colors change if they are exposed to the sun.


Changes happen all around, at the most seemingly random places or when you’re least expected. One day we’re perfectly healthy, the next we could be lying on our death beds. One moment we could be going in to work, the next finding out that you have won 49 million dollars. Changes come big and some come small, but nonetheless it happens all around us.


Why can’t we just live in the moment? Why can’t I?


…until it’s too late.


It’s usually the smallest decisions that make the greatest impact. For now it seems as though my whole life is going through some erratic changes, the new chapter that’s unfolding before my eyes, but at the same time it’s still the same. The scenery is the same, but the colours are different…more vibrant.


People are leaving my life left and right, but at the same time some are slowly being introduced into it. No matter if it’s through the departure of death, fallouts, lifestyle changes or what not, others will always arrive in the forms of birth, introduction, and simple ripening of affinities.


Until the end of my journey with whoever or whatever, I will appreciate the things I have and the people that are around me.


Change is like Life. It keeps going and happening even if you’re not ready for it.

Over the last little while life’s serendipitous occurrences have thrown me into a spiraling tumble. While unbeknownst to me I became a nonsensical Houdini to my own emotions and actions, extricating myself from all those who cared and into the open arms of recklessness. In the midst of family affairs, personal demons and the everlasting impression of the impermanence of death and sickness, I found my compassion.


I use to find security and esteem in a selected few around me, constantly seeking their undivided attention; always demanding, always craving their constant acknowledgment. Like a spoiled princess, I over-analyzed and got upset when their reaction to my scenarios didn’t match up to what I had preconceived. I was selfish and full of ego. I wanted to understand the actions of others and would have predestined them to fail in ever satisfying my chameleonic mood swings. But when you find yourself unable to sit, walk, or even feed yourself, you start to appreciate the people around you and understand the impermanence of life.


We’re all human beings going through the same emotions, but like the DNA in our genes we too express ourselves differently. Some people grieve in silence while others wail in agony; others show their care and concern by calling everyday, while others show it by a simple nod of the head. I fully understand not just the theory of that now, but the actual understanding of that concept. By feeling the excruciating pain of sickness and the unconditional love of family, I learned a little compassion by putting myself in someone else’s shoes, finally comprehending the difference in others and seeing the ignorance we, as human beings have.


Petty incidents seem measly to me and all my burning fiery have been diminished by the waves of understanding I feel. My grade 7 teacher once told me that she never held any grudges nor did she leave arguments unsettled for the night, simply because we never know what could happen to us and any moments we create with one another could always be our last. It’s true isn’t it? We could never fully wager on the impermanence of life.


I struggle to remind myself now that the only people we can change and blame is ourselves. To change the way we act and think of others and to blame ourselves for the ignorance we hold our views, and that is my awakening of my compassion.

An article I got from today’s Dating Chronicles by Sarah Rowland on 24 Hours Newspaper. I left out most of the yak yak stuff and here it is…in CLIFF NOTES.


8 Signs that he’s Just That Into You:


1] They Phone It In
They call when they say they’re going to call – no ifs ands or buts. It seems basic enough, but it’s very indicative of where you rank on that person’s list of priorities. Being too busy to call is like being too busy to eat – it just doesn’t happen.


2] Texting Sweet Nothings
It says, “you’re on my mind.” Plus, it always seems to bring a silly little grin to your face.


3] Ringers Love
Remember when people only had landlines and they gave you their full attention over dinner? That’s the
way it should be when you’re hanging out face to face with a new love interest. No texting.No checking messages. And no dialing out. If they’re into you, you won’t even know what kind of ring tone they have until the third or fourth date.


4] PDAs are Cool
Granted, some people just aren’t down with public displays of affection, no matter how much they dig you. So if your date doesn’t want to tongue you in the middle of a crowded restaurant, you can probably let that slide. But if your new date jerks his/her hand away when you reach for it under the table,
then it may be time to show him/her the door. See, it’s very primal: Man. Woman. Like to touch. If someone fights this natural instinct, then they’re holding back.


5] Not Cheap With The Ride
If someone wants to hook up with you, they will pick you up. And if he/she doesn’t have a car (which is even hotter in this ecoconscious era), they’ll meet you in your hood. The point is your new date wants to see you and is willing to go out of his/her way to do so.


6] Say My Name
There’s just something really sweet about the way a new date works your name into conversation a lot. So if your name just seems to roll off his/her tongue naturally, then chances are that person is really proud to have you by his/her side.


7] All Night Long
New sex should not be a one shot deal, in which he blows his load, rolls over and and starts snoring like a warthog. The sexual itinerary for a fresh couple (especially on the weekend), should look something like this: Rabid multi-positional sex after dinner, followed by some sneaky, sleepy backdoor sex in the middle
of the night, and finished off with a full-on slow jam in the morning. Anything less is unacceptable
because after the honeymoon period is over, it won’t be long before you’ll be down to one muffled missionary session while the kids watch Saturday morning cartoons. So as the late, great Marvin Gaye would say, “Let’s get it on.”

It’s been a while since I’ve posted, I guess you can say I’ve been caught in a heavy storm and still tumbling through it as we speak. It’s been 3 months and I’m still sick, this flu doesn’t seem to want to leave me completely. I’m due for an x-ray and getting some blood work done. The nurse and I joked around today calling me my own little pandemic. I call it my customized Swine Flu minus Mexico.


I’ve been brewing in my own worst nightmare the last little while, slowly marinating in the bloody fumes of personal demons and exploding situations. The short trip I took changed many aspects of my life that I never knew would happen. I almost feel as though I live a life of a secretive Superhero. I go through life as me, the same bubbly person, the same friends, then stuff happens, I have to do what I have to do and I can’t tell anyone else whats going on. You can’t tell you Superhero family about your bubbly mundane life and you can’t ever tell the people in your daily life about the life saving life you lead and there you try to balance, like some bloody breakfast diet.

I feel as if I’m twirling and spinning in a room of glass and mirrors, I reach out to the many figures I see to catch my fall. But nobody does. Then I realize the only people in the room is me and my reflection.


My Aunt’s Father died, we were really close, he was a famous restaurant owner and food was his life, he always made sure I tried the best combination of simple foods. When we called, the family was at the hospital and they were trying to resuscitate him.


Death is inevitable. The parting of loved ones is inevitable. And hurt is inevitable.


Change is good, it’s what got me here and will get me there, but the changes the past little while has been anything but easy. Waking up everyday to the sounds of someone you love crying, trying to put up a strong front, dealing with changing emotions, and constantly taking the blame for everything. I don’t ask for much, just so it’s bearable, just so I can have at least one friend, a person that I can find comfort in without feeling unwelcomed, like a burden, like an obligation, used when needed, someone to go to for reassurance and neglect when the need is gone.


I’ve begun to deactivate my life for a bit, no more Facebook, no more MSN, maybe in time things will heal and someone that cares enough will come forward, dust off the dirt and say “Hey…everythings going to be okay. Let’s go throw this ball around and talk it out.”