Victoria Grace Nation

Friends come and go, but their memories will last forever.


Nazi-Jew< In his ripened 20’s this friend will always be known as the self-hating friend, having come from a German/Jewish background (hey! that’s how he describes himself!). We spent hours making fun of him. There was a time when I spent my every waking moments with him, no matter if it was playing Jenga at his place until 4am or if he was sleeping in my living room keeping me company, while I pulled an all-nighter for my Accounting exam.

Fondest Memory: Him driving 30 minutes to my house to drop off customized tea from Starbucks because I was sick and him getting $500+ worth of tickets on the highway while going home. LOL.


Interesting Memories: Us getting high off of coffee and him filming me dance like a loser at a local makeout spot…wait he’s filmed me being stupid waay too many times. Like the time I shadowed danced on his street and he filmed my shadow frolicking down his street.


Special Memory: When someone gave him season tickets to NHL Hockey and I got my first experience at a live game. Magical.


Paris He was an athlete, built like one and looked like a model with green eyes, dark complexion and tall as the eye can see. He had the weirdest obsession with his hair and his looks and a friend and I ended up calling him Paris Hilton.
Memorable Moment: When he ditched his best friend and picked me up at 3am and we ventured through the local mountains and construction sites by my house until dawn.

Food Memory:From Indian to Chinese to all the local fast food joints, he always wanted food and made me get it for him.


Smiley Face She’s got a signature, and that’s her smile. She brightens a room when she walks in and it’s not just from her smile, but from her overpowering presence. We’ve seen tears and laughter, but it was always the trouble we got in that made the memories.


Death Defying Memories: We got lost in the middle of nowhere and we got picked up by a bunch of guys, while we hung off of their jeep, they were busy feeling my other girlfriend up. The time we hopped onto a city bus and a drunken man goes on and gets into a brawl with a bunch of young kids and we were in the middle of it. Or coming home after a long night of Fireworks and ended up getting on the “party kart” on the train and drunken people were breaking glass and trying to rock the train off it’s tracks and plummet down 50 feet. Oh and of course…both of us going to some secret party with another girl and finding ourselves at some illegal gang party at a secluded industrial area.


Childhood Memories: After watching Dead Poets Society we created our own with another girl, we found a hidden opening in the forest, decorated it with our stuff and met there everyday after school and wrote poems.


Rockstar He was like a younger brother to me, with a sultry, melodic voice that can put anyone at ease or to sleep. When I was sad he’d sing to me, when I needed to pee while on the phone he would purposely force himself to go as well so I didn’t get stage fright when pee talking. He became my pee buddy.


Silly Moments: He came over to my house, threw on a pair of designer men’s underwear I got at the company’s Marketing Launch campaign and he ran around my house with underwear outside his pants, a cowboy hat and MY Von Dutch shirt and ran around pretending to be a Superhero and made me take pictures while he posed like a gay cowboy with a stuffed teddybear I got from my Mother when I was young.

Troublesome Memories: We drove up to the top of the mountain where a development project was happening and trespassed on the grounds. We ended up seeing a middle aged, pot-bellied, balding man NAKED walking around in one of the few developed buildings there!


Matchmaking Memories: He had a crush on my ex’s younger sister and we ended up making mint hot coco on Christmas Day and delivered hot coco in customized mugs we got for the girl and her family (excluding my ex). He totally got brownie points from the girl.


Even though some friendships have dwindled and some are about to fade, their memories will always remain.

1)Don’t get drunk, make out with one of your best guy friends and have the guy you’re ACTUALLY seeing, be there at the same time.


2) Don’t go to your girl friend’s birthday party and stalk her girl friend who has a boyfriend, completely forget about the birthday girl, then proceed to take her home and 2 weeks later, start going out with this girl WITHOUT telling the birthday girl first.


So during one of Victoria’s crazy parties, it’s naturally expected to have odd things happen here and there. One year 3 girls broke out and started making out, some nipple sucking, flashing cameras, 3 way kisses, it was wild. Another time, even after a whole toothpick have dived into my foot and it was brutally infected, I hosted a crazy party, by 4am I wasn’t able to walk. Oh and a memorable one was when a small girls night out turned into a house party where over 400 were in and out of the place and by midnight, over $10,000 worth of stuff was taken. All the laptops in all 7 rooms were taken, so were all precious entertainment sets, etc. It’s naturally expected that something will happen, like that one time when my girlfriend and I went out, bumped into an acquaintance of mine who tried to pick my gf up, somehow we were in another city eating, a guy was lying half in the car and half in the parking lot and drowning in his puke. Anyways you get the picture.


I was just talking to a friend of mine, Jacob about a recent party we were at. Jacob’s a nice guy, in his mid 20’s, he had worked his way through university. When I say worked I don’t mean the local Starbucks, I mean this guy worked his way up through multiple large companies. By the time he was done university he was offered a large enough salary to make him relocate to a sunny place in the country. Jacob comes back to town every other weekend, he pretty much goes where the party takes him. For a petite guy, he’s got quite a athletic physique and always showing it off in fitted jackets or dress shirts. Jacob is the type who has his own GQ style with rockstar hair. Anyways so he hears that I’m back in town and wants to meet up with me for some drinks and party the night away (typical) and he brings up the last party we were at together.


So the music was blaring, and the place was still waiting for the rest of the guests to show up, so naturally during the long wait period, drinks would be initiated. Well soon enough people were tipsy, some were wasted and feeling like they owned the place. Poor girl got so drunk, ends up making out with her best guy friend. I mean that’s bad enough, but oh ya did I mention the guy she was STILL “seeing” (they weren’t officially together, they didn’t act like a couple in public, but they had “feelings” towards one another —>*eye roll*) Anyways the poor guy was there, lurking around the party, apparently he was the quiet type, didn’t like the party crowed, whereas she’s the social butterfly. We’ll call this girl “Slut Girl” for dramatic effect, the so-called boyfriend the “Poor Guy” and we’ll call the best friend, the “Best Friend”. Alright so apparently Slut Girl was completely wasted in her short dress…probably flashing her panties for all to see. She was probably throwing out her slutty vibes out and the innocent Best Friend and her ends up making out. From dance floor to the bar to the plush couches, oy please someone get the tranquilizer gun and a cage. The Poor Guy who was being the supportive boyfriend dressed in his best and came to this party knowing it’ll make Slut Girl happy. Well Poor Guy was left in the cold since the girl he had feelings for was running off with Best Friend and her other friends. Slut Girl and Poor Guy ended up breaking up, saying both felt like the timing was off, apparently Poor Guy felt that way and was glad they had ended things. Slut Girl and Best Friend weren’t talking after that, especially when Best Friend didn’t even know Slut Girl had a boyfriend, she hid it from both of them the whole time! DISGRACE!


So the party Jacob and I went to was a huge birthday party for this girl. All these people were invited and Birthday Girl had invited an old college friend, we’ll call her “Unavailable.” She had taken the bus and came alone in hopes to just see the Birthday Girl and party with her. Well then Birthday Girl’s friend, we’ll call him Stalker Boy, see’s Miss Unavailable and starts to advance on her. Well considering the fact that Miss Unavailable had a boyfriend, she gave him the cold shoulder. But he just wouldn’t give up! He ended up offering her a ride home, she accepted. Apparently he took her out for a midnight snack and exchanged contact information. Within a day, he was inviting her out around town to hang out and she accepted! WTF. After having a fun day out, Stalker Boy is now asking her personal commitment questions..guess Stalker Boy means business! In 3 weeks Miss Unavailable, became available and they’ve been together ever since.

Don’t move in with a girl when you’re still banging other chicks..oh wait my bad, getting other chicks to suck you off.


So my friend Raj, a young man in his 20’s (I won’t say early, mid or late) has been leading a life a lot like my friend Rainer, but this one has more emotional involvement and mind games involved, whereas Rainer has the physical down-pat. Raj has been stealing female hearts since his hazel, green eyes and tan complexion has developed. Born and raised in a wealthy family, he grew up privileged, going to the best private boy school, vacationing in remote tropical islands during vacation time and entertaining his friends in his multi-millionaire house. Yes the typical rich kid story.


So recently Raj has informed me he was seeking for a place to move-out to, you can call it leaving the nest,which is rare because that means he can’t be living off his parents anymore. But anyways he ended up finding an apartment at the swankiest part of town and got himself, what I thought was a bachelor pad. WRONG! I mean Raj is a real character when it comes to social skills, especially with the ladies. Multiple girlfriends and emotional relationships, while having other girls suck him off at the back of his expensive car before catching a late dinner with his girlfriend.


I would be finding a message later on, him telling me that he’s moved in with his current girlfriend, the one that he was having bedroom acrobatic issues with and was trying to seek other acrobatic partners elsewhere. So now he’s taken the leap and living with this girl, while trying to maintain a monogamous relationship with her…of course I forgot to mention this one girl on the side, nothing really, just an emotional clear up that needs to happen. Other then that, he’s already figured out how to juggle other girls once he gets tired of his new living arrangements. Congrats?

1) Don’t get lychee martini on your John Lobbs, a cigarette hole on your Prada jacket when at a bar and whatever you do DO NOT drop your favourite Marc Jacob bag in the toilet.

2) It really helps to be successful, rich, and good looking while in times of a Recession.


1) So my friend Rainer and I have been once again exchanging e-mails. He’s apparently getting a new car. Normally I don’t have a problem with people getting new cars, even for people like him who owns enough luxury cars for 3 families. Okay no it’s not because there’s a general world economic crisis that’s going on that’s made me question his purchasing behavior, but it’s the fact that just less than 6 weeks ago when I went on a $2K shopping spree with him on shoes, he was just telling me about his upcoming plans. Pretty much it was leaving his job and live the life of an ivy leaguer for the next 2 years, hitting on supple varsity girls, partying and forking out HUGE $$ for his MBA at a prestious school like Harvard or something. I mean why wouldn’t he? He got over 96% on his GMAT and a load of cash. After that I believe he wanted to just spend some time in Europe being a successful business guy by day and a playboy by night. Yes I know…*eye roll* So naturally when I heard about his new ideas of getting a new car, I just had to probe a bit, so that lead us to a lengthy exchange of e-mails and messages via blackberry. So in one of the e-mails he tells me about these killer John Lobb shoes we saw and never got due to sizing issues. Let me tell you, we spent most of the day there trying on the same pair over and over, those shoes were pure sex and neither him or I was ready to leave empty handed…but we did, until we got to the actual John Lobb store and he left with over $2KUSD of shoes (2 pairs to be exact). Rainer apparently bought a third pair without me, the same pair that he and I were drooling over. The email goes further into his woes…

…About 2 hrs after I bought them I went to a bar and someone spilled a lychee martini leaving a small but permanent spray pattern in the leather. Whoops. I shall remember never to wear my lobbs to bars. ;). The next week someone burned a cigarette hole thru my favorite prada jacket. I shall remember to always coat check. You see I’m still picking up life lessons.

Then the email goes into how his buddy from France had come to visit him for 3 days. Just hearing that I knew it was major trouble. Whenever his buddy and him get together, you know there’s always something going down that night. Rainer had met this guy in Germany at some bar, yes, the same bar where the men and womens’ washroom is only separated by hanging mirrors and a waterfall. Anyhoo, Rainer offered this guy an interning job and this friend who we shall call Victor, accepted and he was in Rainer’s city for 3 months “working” together. Well they did work in the day and at night they partied and slept with every single girl in the city…naturally. Victor is some debutante in France, his parents own some huge company in Switzerland and they’re well known in their professional field, his best friend is this famous girl crooning singer in France (think the JT of France). For some odd reason unknown to mankind, Victor looks up to Rainer in ways that makes me think that Ennis Del Mar and Jack Twist were actually best friends instead of lovers. But I digress.


I responded back to the email with my sad story of placing my Marc Jacob bag on the built in ledge in the bathroom stall of this ritzy restaurant I was at and when I turned around to do my business *PLOP* my leather bag falls in the damn toilet!! Talk about being choked!


2) So what gives? My friend Rainer is living large still even when the suicide toll is rising daily in some parts of the business world. Hmm I think I’m going to sleep on this one before I write more…

A night of fiesta was in the works, another fun filled night was upon us again. It was another one of our Girls Night Out that happens at least once a month. It started with me and my girlfriend Ally, before Cristina joined in and a recent addition of another member as well.

Ally and I had gone through life partying in dorms, re-doing budget plans at 4am, and gossip ruthlessly during 2 hour lectures. In the years that we struggled for the day we threw our graduation hats up in the air and start our careers, we had become inseparable. We studied together, ate together, sat together, even gaining weight together during those long, grueling, hours days we’d be together studying, not showering, not sleeping on campus. Even though Ally is younger than me, she is like my Mother…okay no more like my subconscious. She’s about 5′6 (give or take an inch), long and slender, silky black hair that runs down her back. She’s one of those girls that men tend to do double takes on. Her overall features are very modern and chic, but look closely and her features are traditional and cute. Like a puzzle, her dark brown, almond shaped eyes and button nose piece nicely on her heart shaped face.


Then there’s Cristina, the quiet little tyke with a down-to-earth bohemian feel about her. She’s about 5′2, long black hair full of light waves that perfectly frame her oval face. Her style goes from conservative feminist to timeless class to her everyday boho style. You’ll never see Cristina without either a long scarf, boots, drapery or jewelry. Her gracious manners extend throughout when you speak to her, always quietly commanding. She’s the only one person that can ever be blunt to a mafia leader and still come off as the sweetest, most courteous thing. I met Cristina on my birthday a few years ago. She had met Ally at some latin dance place and thought she’d drop by my birthday bash before she headed off to her other plans. Well things turned out pretty badly that night with my reservations and I was in full-on bitch mode and poor girl had to witness it, the first moments she met me. For some odd reason she actually still wanted to be my friend and here we are now a few years later, sharing another drink and laughing at our lives.


Before I go on, I admit that I am 2 weeks late for this post, my outing with the girls happened 2 weeks ago, so needless to say the night seems like moldy stale bread to me at the moment, especially after coming home from a weekend getaway.


Either way I met up with these girls at the local lounge place we always go, ordered drinks and I partially gave them graphic details about my Asia trip (which I have yet to fully post yet…I know I suck, but I’ve been busy!) We were getting pretty hungry at this point, so we hopped in my car and drove over to a restaurant close by. The usual restaurants that caters to the young urban dwellers. The bathrooms have automatic switches that turn sanitary toilet condoms for your ass cheeks, the flusher is strategically placed on the floor for you to stomp on and waitresses there have to have perky breasts and tight shirts. I ordered a scallop, prawn pasta of some sort, Ally had some type of exotic asian plate and Cristina went for their gourmet pesto quesadillas. I honestly have to admit that I don’t remember what our conversation entailed, but some were pretty smashing…OH RIGHT! Like our experiences to the gyno. Oy women! I know I’ll spare everyone the gruesome details. But lets rewind a bit, we had gotten to the restaurant and while we were walking to our seats we had passed a table where 2 men sat. One was this beefy white guy who appeared as though he had just got there from the gym, across from him was this asian guy who was average in built, usual dark expensive clothes and latest gadgets. The gym monkey was facing us as we were walking to our seats and since Ally was leading the pack and I was the last person I saw the whole thing! The gym monkey was totally into his conversation when he stopped half way to check Ally and Cristina out…I mean hell I would too! He did the whole annoying thing where he turned his whole head, half his body and stared, trying to see if their bodies and faces were worth a couple more drools. It was disgusting, and usually when I see men like that, I’ll deliberately do something disgusting like pick a wedgie or something.


So we toasted to the new year over a round of Brazillians and I would say more but I don’t really recall the rest so TA-Da!

So during my long commute home due to the shit weather and unexpected happenings around the city which placed 80,000 innocent commuters in a kadizzle to find alternate routes to and from work, it caused a regional wide traffic jam for anyone heading eastbound or southbound from the Downtown core. While on this torturous stop-and-go journey home, I couldn’t help but voice my disgruntled citizen voice to my friends, especially Em. Here is how our conversation turned out:


VG: Holy shit traffic is so bad!
Em: I hear you! Its disgusting out there!
VG: B. Hwy [Alternate Route #3] is as bad as it was snowing.
Em: Have fun going home!
VG: It wouldn’t be that bad if I didn’t have to shit so bad! Jetlag shit finally coming out!
Em: OMG how i have missed you! Haha
VG: Geez Emz the only time u get this excited is when I open up entirely to u and get all dirty. U naughty little girl u.
Em: I won’t deny it! Haha…and you know you love telling me!
VG: I do oddly get a wonderful feeling after telling u. Its like relieving myself of badly built up excrements.
Em: I do whatever i can to alleviate ppl from the stresses of dear old life
VG: Ugh tell me bout it! I feel old. Took 90 mins to get home. Visa bill came, didn’t last month, but they’re charging me interest! Money suckers.
Em: Mmm..we need to get together and parle.
VG: We do and we shall. Name a day missy.

“You are wrong about one thing. If I got someone pregnant, I’ll be performing the abortion myself. Abortion Clinics are a middleman…totally unnecessary.”

Always call the next day after engaging in a long session of bedroom acrobatics with another person, ESPECIALLY if she knows people you know.


So my friend Rainer has a thing for hitting up temporary girls. What does that mean? It means a hot, fuckable chick that is only in the city for a short period of time OR they have to be rich, hot and have a high potential of leaving the city. Anyways so every now and then, Rainer and I would chit chat via Blackberry. Conversations consist of us trading juicy scandals within our lives, whose lives we’ve ruined, plans of future treachery or debauchery, boast about the city’s hottest parties and latest purchases (think hottest runway items), etc. In other words, we catch up.


Rainer is a person of chameleon properties, he can adapt himself to most surroundings, most of the time changing his environment to suit him. His ability to look like a college jock to a sophisticated, successful person of credibility is uncanny. With these abilities, he is able to lure almost anyone he wants, and this he does oh so very well. During some fine wining and dinging with him earlier this year, he told me this story about how he went to Germany for work and went to some club on his own, and when I say alone, I don’t mean in a sense where creepy men go into clubs, linger in the shadows and try desperately to pick up someone. No, this guy goes into a club and comes out with a list of numbers in his pockets, his genitalia satisfied, a girl on his left arm, a model on his right, and a group of other girls with new guy friends he’ll meet. So he goes to this club, checks out the crowed, locates a target within a group of people who seemed to be in their early to mid-twenties, obviously with a bit of money and connection. The target seemed to have been working the small crowed while men were following his cue, girls were all over him. Rainer made his move and by the end of the night, he was best friends with this guy who turns out to be a the heir of some monstrous Swiss Pharmaceutical Enterprise, living in France. His friends consist of other French socialites, famous celebrities, etc.

Rainer leads a total life of slutism, his sex count in a month could possibly surpass the count of someones whole life. He’s like Elizabeth Taylor, but minus the marriages; the charisma, the looks, the # of partners.


Since I will be gracing him with my presence this month during my multi-city work/vacation trip, I thought I’d find out the weather there for packing reasons. Anyways we ended up messaging each other for hours like we usually do and we got caught up. Here’s a snip bit of the conversation.


Victoria: So what exciting stories of sex and scandal is happening in Rainer’s life?

Rainer: Some chick approached a friend of mine at a local watering hole and asked if he was friends with Rainer. This is how their conversation went.
“Yeah, I know Rainer”
“He’s so bad! He never calls the next day”
“Nah Rainer’s a nice guy”
Lol. Best part is I apparently showed up at that point and she went scampering away. I don’t even know who she is but she’s destroying my rep!


The last thing you want is any of your women meeting each other and having a huge confessional to avoid all the drama. Make sure to cover your tracks and play the total gentlemen so women don’t hate on you, even when you’ve grown tired with this girl. Cover your tracks!


Great, he’s now encouraging me to PUNK my ex with Ashton! What a bad influence.

So my e-husband and I went on a happy marital date like any old married couple on Wednesday. I showed up late again, of course, go figure. I walked in the front door of the movie theater, because like most average couples, they come in separate cars and sleep in different beds. But I digress. My husband was standing there in a sleek black peacoat that fit his muscular 5′11 built perfectly, dark denim jeans and a pair of shiny, leather dress shoes. Of course I wasn’t going to be the one to disappoint, in my black cashmere peacoat, black leggings and black leather knee high boots by Cavalli. There he was waiting for me looking all smug, he ushered me into the theatre (since we were 5 minutes past starting time) as he held two movie tickets in his hand.


The movie theatre was littered with a smattering of people all over the rows, not a full house, but a significant amount to make a small kindergarten class. We comfortably found seats in the back row and sat through 2 hours of what I like to call dark comedy with almost the same amount of full cast members dead as the Saw franchise. The movie had it’s bits of funny moments, but it was quite the thinker, think Crash/Babel meets Woody Allen, meets Dr Strangelove…er okay maybe not. Either way by rolling credits I had successfully managed to suction my husband’s ear with my palm, hid in his ginormous arms when someone died, and cracked enough jokes that the people around us were ready to shoot us in the head.





My rating: 7.6/10

(more…)

Exhibit A


So I spent my late Saturday afternoon with my virtual husband of 1+ years. He dragged me out of my pj’s and out of my house to a little Chinese restaurant. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this guy actually dragged his sorry ass out of his house and we actually united and shared a lovely meal together. Our time was spent discussing and comparing arm hairs, because it’s not a real marital dinner without the discussion of bodily hairs and fecal matter.


Actually the night was pretty fun and insightful, we had nice flowing conversation that really didn’t want to end, but due to other obligations that i had made, we had to cut our evening short.


My e-husband is short of 6 feet, built like an effing horse, I mean really his biceps were the size of my head at some point. Okay I’m exaggerating, but he’s tall and built, you get the picture, okay moving on! He’s one of the few people in this world that can finish my sentences and push my buttons all within the same hour. He’s slightly perturbed in the head like me and has a quite the eccentricity to him. Like the last time I saw him, he tried to befriend a bum by the name of Billy, Billy the Bum who liked paddling canoes in the great north of Canada.


He ordered a plate of Gai Lan with scallop and prawns, while I had a chicken ramen.


Okay I’m tired, that’s all I can write now. I’ll write more later on.